Anxiety – Why We Start to Avoid
Anxiety often leads to avoidance, which, in the end, usually makes us feel worse. Sometimes it’s our thoughts. We catastrophize, thinking that the worst could happen. We wonder “what if…?” We worry about things outside of our control – like what other people might be thinking. We anticipate failure and prepare for the worst. The brain likes what is familiar, so it becomes a habit, and we keep worrying. There’s too much to manage. Even when things are good, you might anticipate the possibility of things going wrong.
Sometimes anxiety can feel physical – the stress response. In the world of “fight or flight”, anxiety is the flight. You can be sitting still but your heart is racing. Breathing feels difficult. You feel light headed. It’s difficult to think straight, and you can’t find the right words. Sometimes we get sick to the stomach, or our hands start to sweat. Feet feel tingly or your head might start hurting. It may not be full blown panic, but you can feel it.This is your body saying “danger!”.
At its most severe, anxiety can be paralyzing, but often it is less noticeable – kind of like annoying street noise in the background. We get used to it, but as soon as there is a moment of silence we hear it again. We manage to get through the day, but there is this ongoing battle dealing with uncertainty about the future. After years, this can take a toll. Normal activities become more difficult and we start to avoid things.
Avoidance is a Coping Mechanism
We cancel plans. We don’t answer messages. We say we are going to call a friend, but then we don’t. We say we “don’t feel good” – which is true, but we are also relieved to have an “out”. We avoid long conversations, because we always end up second guessing things that we said. Walk the dog at midnight so we don’t run into the neighbors. Put off doing taxes until April 14th, and then file for an extension – because our worries tell us this is too much. We use avoidance as a way to decrease discomfort in the short term. It helps us to escape discomfort. It works, for a while.
The problem with avoidance is that it tends to become more frequent. The less you interact with the world, the more thinking about just going out there causes anxiety. The fewer people you talk to, the less confident you feel communicating. Increased isolation tends to make anxiety worse over time, because you have more time to think anxious thoughts. You avoid, and then have fewer opportunities to have positive experiences. You avoid responsibilities, and then create problems for yourself. Avoiding the dentist will usually end up meaning more cavities. If you don’t open your electric bill, your power will eventually get cut off. You can avoid social situations that seem awkward, but eventually people will stop inviting you and you will be more lonely.
A short term solution, creating long term problems
The problems get bigger, and then become overwhelming. The simple answer to this is: Avoid Avoidance! Do what seems uncomfortable. Don’t hesitate – the more you wait, the more you have time to think. When you feel the urge to avoid, step toward the situation instead. Push yourself out of your comfort zone. You will live through it. Usually what we find is that all those worried predictions never come close to coming true. Almost nothing is ever as bad as what our anxious mind has concocted for us. When we expose ourselves to uncomfortable situations, our body learns to feel more calm. We gradually prove to ourselves that the world is mostly safe, mostly ok – maybe even boring sometimes!
Individual Counseling Can Help
If these descriptions of anxiety match your experience, it’s likely that Individual Counseling could be helpful for you. Sometimes doing this work by yourself can be too difficult when you’ve had so much practice being anxious. Talking with an experienced therapist can help change behaviors and thoughts that keep anxiety stuck. Hans has helped hundreds of clients with anxiety. Don’t let this be a life-long struggle, Call Today and find strategies that will work for you!
